If you ever leave me baby, leave some morphine at my door

"Mesa, was Ryan taking advantage of you?" Molly asked from the front seat.
"Yeah probably." I admitted. Wasn't too hard at the moment. I had more to drink than I should've and I had barely anything to eat again.
"Do you like Ryan?"
"Yeah," I said again "I mean, not as much as Alex - he's the real deal."
"Ryan's pretty cool too though."
"He seems to me like the kind of guy who's only interested in flings though."
"I don't know about that," She said thoughtfully "I can see you two going for a long time. Alex is incredible I just don't like how he's going to take you away from me." Lately Molly had been inviting to everything that happened. I don't know how she stayed so active. I was very gratful for her. She was picking up the slack that Shannon and Chelsea were creating. I had to revamp my wedding list so that Molly and Kyle were in my wedding party instead of Shannon and Chelsea. Every time I try to arrange something Chelsea chooses her boyfriend over it and Shannon always says she's busy. Those two were being pretty lousy friends at the moment. When I got home, I threw up.

The next morning I didn't feel as sick as I thought I would. The weird thing was that the illness lasted all day and on top of that I was increasingly tired as well. I fell asleep twice talking to Alex over skype and when he let me go to get sleep I fell asleep in front of the laptop. I forced myself to eat twice and stopped drinking pop because it was just upsetting my stomach more. I drank double the amount of water I normally do. I miss Alex such an incredible amount and its only been three days. The next five months are going to be the roughest of my life. My mom said I'm finally in real true love.

Everything about Alex is like magical and unreal. I found a piece of paper on my bed side table that he had written the reservation information for the Doubletree on and I looked over it lovingly. He's so professional and careful. Making sure that we're both taken care of and he's especially aware of my needs and exceeds all of my expectations. As a Tracy would.

I remember seeing him in high school. My attention gravitated to him because he was different. He wore a black leather coat that ran the length of his body. His inspiration from The Matrix and he hung out with the girls that I absolutely hated. Black spiked hair, a dog collar, and friends with my stupid step brother (whom we thought was dead the other day because he had a heart attack and was in the hospital unresponsive, and he's only 25). Now he had changed his life and was in plays at delta with Kyle and now was a good friend of mine. I like his new view on life better.

Truth is, I love his laugh. I mean his real laugh. How it sounds forced because it's short and aggressive. I love how I caught him looking at me frequently and his greenish eyes and how he calmly looks away like I hadn't actually caught him. How, in a noisy room, he'll text me even if he's right next to me, just so we can keep talking.

I shouldn't be thinking of him or even dreaming of him (twice in a row, really?) But when he constantly invites me out to bars to meet his friends (he invited Kyle too) and out to group gatherings in Saginaw (that I said no to because a bar is only fun with a boyfriend figure, inwhich he answered "what I'm not good enough?") AND texts me everyday and kind of a good thing because what am I going to text him? He asks a lot of questions about Alex as well.

Yeah I like him a little. But it's just a small thing. I like Dacy too but that's a small thing too. It's just a temporary crush and it'll pass in it's own due time. Alex will be here in a few days. Four sleeps to be exact. And he even booked an extra day at the double tree. We have a lot planned. After this visit it'll be five months before I see him again and that'll be when I go to England to meet his family for Christmas.