Our eyes will adjust, thank God for the Moon...

Sometimes I think my step dad does things because I'm secretly his favorite child....then again probably not. Sometimes I think he does things to spite my ex's, with hopes of getting on my good side. It worked, kinda. He told us what he wanted to do and both my mother and I looked at him with raised eye brows and a stunned silence. My mother was first to speak, "And how do you plan on feeding them all?", then there was me, "What are we going to do with TEN CATS!?".

My step dad wants to keep all the kittens. He brought up the topic, and made his final decision when Matt came over and asked if he could have one when they were ripe and ready. I was happy to hear that he didn't want Alaina anymore, but was stunned when Sr. flat out told him no, we're keeping them all. He even wants to build like a cat-door on the barn so they can get in and out and even have their own area to keep warm in the winter. I like the idea, but the thought concerns me. We had to get rid of all my old outdoor cats, how will this affect everything? Maybe he just wants an army to help keep the ground hogs at bay. Wouldn't doubt it. Can't wait until we have the joy of naming them...

The crazy lady next door, whom was always chasing Prego off her front porch came over the other day and said that the mama kitty isn't taking care of her kittens, because her tits are too small. I wasn't home but mom said that Senior basically told her to mind her own business. Just to make sure, Mom sent Logan in the kitten compartment to make sure they were okay. He said yes, Prego was in there feeding and taking care of them, and they were starting to move around. I've only had one Mama kitty that ever really had actual like milk sacks for tits. And that was Simba a loooong time ago. Like fourth grade. Ever since, there had been Bootsie, Casper, and Victor, who all had flat chests and still had healthy kittens. I hate when nosey people who don't know what they're talking about open their mouths.

It can't be helped.

tut tut looks like rain

Today was kinda windy. And I really wished it wasn't windy. Especially when I had to walk to the metro station. My step dad was up on the roof working on the house (I called up to him and said bye and he didn't respond until I was nearly a block away yelling asking if I needed a ride to the station, I said no. Really I wanted a ride to Delta) and I had to put my hood up it was so cold. At least for me, which I'm sure you're learning I can't handle the cold. I arrived at the station earlier than planned and sat there waiting for the buses. I sat next to some African Americans whom I'm guessing were friends by the way they were talking. After about ten minutes they stood up and walked in front of me (they were women mind you) and started to head out when the one lady started preaching to everyone. I made the unfortunate decision to watch her, and in which case, accidentally made eye contact.

She made her way over to me and said not to look down, but to look up to God. I watched her, glancing over at a girl that was about my age, across the room. She went on and on about how God saved her from the devil. She used to be in a wheel chair and now she was up and walking, she danced in the isle at her church even. Always dancing for God. She said, "I'm sure you have plans for your future, what you want to do. But you don't need to tell me, that between you and God only." She gestured around to everyone inside and outside waiting for their buses. "You do what you need to do. Don't look at these other people, they just people. They nobody. You do what you need to do, don't let nothing stop you." She started to walk away but came back. "You wake up in the mornin' I'm sure you have stuff on your mind, you do it, you don't mind nobody else but you. It between you and God, not them." She finally walked away and I left to wait for my bus and I thought about what she said. I simply had to smile and nod my head. Mostly because what she said made sense. It doesn't matter what everyone else thinks, it matters what I think. What I want to do with my life. No one's going to do it for me, and they don't have to, because I can do it for myself. It doesn't matter that I don't have a drivers license, I still find a way to school. I'm not the only one in Michigan without a job. I'm going to do what I have to do. I'm going to do what makes me happy.

"How can one such as thee, with a name like asyluM, ever find happiness?"

I'm so freakin' happy I got my computer working right yesterday. I called, and spent, nearly two hours on the phone with Chris Jr., but we figured it out. I played Sims for a while, then took a shower and went to bed after eating lots of chocolate.

Today, I awoke knowing that I would have to take the metro to school. Different day same story. I walked down to the metro station, trying to move quickly seeing as the Prego was following me down the sidewalk. I looked back and I think she gave up after the neighbors house. I didn't have any food to give her. If I could drive I would stop by the store and get some when I got out of school. But it's not going yet and I'm going to have to call my dad for a ride home. And spend as much time as I can reading my Fredrick Douglass biography then type up my letter thing at home. I've got to finish my chronology and type that up today to, not to mention start studying for my THIRD final exam for History. This lady is going to be the death of me I just know it.

I had twins on Sims by the way. A boy and a girl. Yay! Nothing exciting going on yet. I'm thinking about spending some money and getting something to eat since I didn't make a sandwich this morning since the meat wasn't de-thawed. Sheesh. And now I can't take a spring semester either. Guess I'll be free until next fall, or until I get a job. Which I am turning in an application for the gas station on Tuscola. I don't know where that is but my Busia brought it for me, so who's complaining? Gah, I'm hungry and thirsty, so it's time to go. Maybe I'll write more later, but probably not. I'll be super busy, and I'll have it done just in case Taylor can come over today. If not, then Sims has my name written all ovah it! I would like to see him though. Truth.

God love her

Nothings wrong really. So don't concern yourself with it. There's nothing you could do about it anyways. I originally started this blog so I had a spot to write my true thoughts. But then every time I wrote something, someone would be offended and bitch about it. Even when I've reminded you all twice before that I write what I want and for you all to read at your own risk. I've changed my yearning to do this for a while now. But guess what? I'm coming back, bitches. That's right, I'm going back to writing what I want. Thank you.

I've figured it out, and I'm so proud of myself...Nick's always upset before and after he comes back from Matt's, why? Because of me. Matt still loves me, and that upsets Nick. Why? Because the more Matt loves me the more he hurts Kristina, and why does that effect Nick? Because he a sensitive person and doesn't like to see her hurt. Why? Because he has feelings for Kristina. He's mad at Matt for hurting her, mad at me for causing that pain, and, for some reason, always goes back to Matt's even though he's pissed at him. And every time Matt and Kristina go somewhere, Nick has to go to. Nick had said before that Matt had a met a girl and was CRAZY to have denied her. Well well well... way to go, Nick. That's going to be a mess when you come out with your feelings. Back to square one.

Every week the 24th looms closer and closer. It was always something that I've looked forward to, especially lately. But this morning the thought of Taylor and I finally being together like that made me twist in my seat and become uncomfortable. Why? Probably because of our argument last night that went more than two ways. One that I "tease" him all the time by wearing sweat pants. Never mind the fact that I didn't wear them for him, I wore them because it was my laundry day. I was also wearing a shirt I never wear under my vest. I get the feeling Taylor hates the fact that I wear clothing that will keep me warm. He does go to Western where I'm sure girls are wearing their mini skirts and short shorts. Track season is here after all. I'm not going to wear anything that puts my health at risk. Another way it went was that he just wanted to lay down but I paid too much attention to my new computer. Ya know, that he was helping me set up. Hell yeah, I was distracted by my computer. I don't normally get luxuries like that. Then Bre came over, like I knew that was going to happen. They come over a lot ever since Madison was born. Bre prevented us from being able to be alone and have us time. I like that time as much as the next person, but I didn't realize we had to have it all the time.

Well, time to go home and finish setting up my desk and computer. (more to come about this later)...

It's a mid day Monday afternoon

I was once again pissed at Nick last night and we even had a little spit through texting. He said that he was coughing too much and too tired so that effected how he was going to drive today so I would have to take the metro. I responded with the fact that he's been coughing for months and I don't see how that would effect his driving. He was pissed at me last week because I said I didn't consider him a role model because he's so undependable. If he wasn't up until X in the morning maybe he wouldn't be so tired. I go to bed around nine and sometimes a little later if I have something that needs to get done. But I'm always up by nine thirty and I'm okay once I have my cup of coffee. It's just life. He said I need to be more independent. Wow. I wish I could be. Now it seems like I should have no problem getting a full time job this summer since Taylor did. Maybe I could squeeze more classes in this summer. Probably not. Maybe I'll go camping a lot with friends this summer. Perhaps there's camping somewhere near Caseville?

My step dad got on my case about my car this morning. Not in a bad way; just in a why-haven't-you-told-me kinda way. He ended up driving me to school today probably so he could get away from the grandkids. This morning CK was running in the keeping room where Megan, Lily and I were. And somehow CK accidentally hit Megan in the head with the toy he was carrying. Megan ran to JR. (her father) and he ignored her and said that it was probably her fault anyways. I yelled in to the other room, "No, Jr., CK hit her in the head with a toy on accident." But he didn't do anything after that. No wonder Megan's growing up with the attitude she has. Every time they have a kid, they ignore the other ones.

Jr.s giving a fully loaded computer with a plasma screen and everything. He said its perfect for what I need it for (writing and school work, what else is there to do on a computer without Internet?) I was going to give him my old computer but suddenly Nick was like "I'm pissed about that too, that's MY computer, not yours. If you don't want it anymore you give it to me." I pointed out that in the beginning of the semester he said to just throw it away when Senior wasn't looking so he didn't store it in his garage. Nick said he never knew that and he had friends that could fix it for free and he wanted it. Screw him, what an asshole. What's he going to do with a windows 95? There's nothing you can do with it anymore. It's DEAD! I've been writing on it since middle school. It finally croaked when we hit Wheeler Road. The programs are gone, missing, or incomplete in some way, shape, or form. There's something in it eating everything, even though a virus is basically impossible since it was never connected to the Internet. It doesn't have a USB drive and can't even play music anymore. He said he has games on it, but I know every corner of that computer, and there's not even solitaire. You can find where it was, but if you click on it, it won't play saying something was missing.

Don't listen to me though, the one who has lived off it for years now. Hopefully, I can put it to rest and this new computer will be all I hear it is.

one and one make two; two and one make three

Today, while I was at my dads house (and I still currently am) I sat by Nick on the couch. When I say by him, I mean on the same piece of furniture, but as far away from his as possible. After a few minutes, he did these weird hand gestures so I looked at him. He said he was sorry for blowing up at me the other night and sending me that harsh text message. I asked what had gone on and he said that it was entirely Matt's fault for being the way he is. I wanted to know more, but he didn't say much. Here's the story that I got: About six months after we broke up, Matt met a girl on some yahoo dating website. Christina. They met and started to hit it off pretty well. Suddenly Matt started to distance himself from Christina. And said that he wanted to be friends but not date-date her. She was really upset but still hung around as a friend. But whenever Matt would hang out with her, he was affectionate, but when she would ask him about it he would say he wasn't interested in her like that. Furthermore hurting her. Last Thursday (when I had texted Nick), Matt, Nick, and Christina were hanging out at Matt's place when somehow the topic of me came up. And suddenly I was the reason Matt had told Christina he wasn't interested, because he was still in love with me and if he couldn't have me he didn't want anyone else.

Christina asked Matt when he would finally be over me, and he said probably never. Nick described Christina as "crushed" and I guess she left crying. Nick said that lately I had been coming up a lot in conversation and Christina said she felt as if she would never be good enough because she wasn't me. Now, as charmed as I was to hear it, I know how Matt is and I realized that I was wrong about him being over me several months ago (like I had thought). I just want him to be a friend again, and I want him to realized that it would have never worked out. He had his life planned out already and although he did plan a lot of it around me, he didn't actually consider what I wanted. I want to be able to get married (not be a step parent) and buy a house (Matt had just just bought a house with his ex girlfriend) and I wanted to live in Caseville (Matt lives in Auburn). And a kinda stupid but big reason (to me) was that I was upset that he had already had sex and I hadn't. I felt like I was being jipped because he had more experience than I did.

Here's what's important. The most important: I am with Taylor, and I love him more than words can describe. I want to marry him so we can buy our house in Caseville and have lots of kids (6). I just hope I don't lose him on that long bumpy road called High school...

They say cats have 9 lives; it's been 9 years

I was pretty bummed yesterday when Nick said he wasn't going to give me a ride to or from Delta. That means I had to resort to riding the Metro. Yes, which means I waited outside for a half an hour longer than I should have needed to. Oh well, at least it wasn't cold (that's what I tell myself). Once in my English class, my group of five people all depended on me and I literally had all five flash drives plugged into my computer and I had the pleasure of teaching them how to do some tricks on Word and how to use citationmachine.net to do their citations. It was pretty easy to teach them stuff but it was aggravating to be the only one with the organization skills needed to do everything. I brought my Hannah Montana wig to class so the only male member of my group can wear it for our presentation. Now, I have to figure out how to dress like a guy and hit on him - I mean - her.

So I sat at Delta until about 4:30 (my class got out at noon thirty) when I finally called my dad and he came to pick me up; even though he really didn't want to. I got home and senior was working on the house (it's very ironman-ish, futuristic like) and I turned the corner and saw this cat (see pic). I stopped in my tracks when I saw her, I'm very used to accidentally running into strays and them hissing and running away. But this one saw me, and literally ran up to me and started rubbing against me. I knelt down to pet her and she started rubbing against my face and licked my chin. She was extremely friendly and VERY pregnant. It won't be long until we have kittens running around. Now she has a little bed in the garage with food and water. Senior wanted to bring her in the house saying "I can't just leave her out here." I didn't know why not. She had obviously been outside for a while. She laid on my lap and I felt her tummy. I cringed when I felt her babies move (I think it's gross to feel an unborn child move). I sat outside with her until the sun went down. She just laid with me and purred and was happy. It was just like old times when I had outside cats and would aimlessly sit around outside with them until I had to go in. When I did go in, she sat by the door watching me. I turned my back on her and saw Alaina watching me. I let her smell me (the mama kitty had been shedding on me) and she didn't' hiss or anything like she normally does when she smelled a stray. She simply just continued looking at the door. I pet her once then left to go take a shower.

That night, I was bored so I texted Nick asking why Matthew never responded to my texts. There was about a 20 minute pause then Nick texted me saying, "I want to thank u for making my evening less than enjoyable now. You just can't let things go. He will answer when he FEELS like it. Until then leave me out of it and I mean it." Nick had told me he was done passing messages on to Matthew, so why had he passed on that message? Sheesh, if you're done than actually be done!

I was happy to see the mama kitty waiting for my mom and I outside this morning. Logan came out and started to pet her. She's such a good cat, and soon we'll have lil kittens. Huh, I think I said just last week that I wanted kittens. Hm.

One more time

Something amazing happened yesterday. Nick gave me the two dvds from Matt that he took from Prom, Celebration, MSSA, Graduation and lil from Schaulks wedding. It was great fun watching them with Cody and Logan on the PS2. If Taylor can make it over on Friday, we can watch them then. He might get upset at some of it though, seeing as at that point in time I was dating Matthew. I also got another CD with loads of pics on them. I can tell he made it a long time ago though, it says "luv u lots" on it.

My mom took the liberty of telling Senior that I bought a car. She told him "And if you get mad at her you have to get mad at your own family, because she bought it from your nephew Zack". He was like "Well I hope she knows that since she did this whole thing with her dad then I'm not touching it. He can fix it."

Thank GOD!!! THE BEST NEWS EVER!!

I now have the security of knowing he will never touch my car. And therefore, never say anything bad about it, or suggest changing anything on it. Why had the whole thing been brought up? Because he told my mom that he was thinking of buying the neighbors car for me. What ever happened to him wanting to give me the rust bucket gas hog blazer? To keep me safe? It's called he souped it up and wants it to himself now. Such a great father figure. At least I know now that my dad is helping me out best he can.

Easter is coming up. And for those of you who don't know, Easter is my favorite holiday. Now, I'm not entirely sure what goes on religiously, but I love the soft colors and egg hunts. Lots of great memories. I guess that's what sucks about being one of the youngest cousins. Hell, my cousins have had kids that are nearly Logan's age. All the traditions have died though. There's no more egg hunts or egg painting. Ah well, you only live once, so what's the point of tradition? Actually, when I have kids I'd like to do all those things. The egg hunts and such. Even my Dad still paints eggs. Of coarse he grew up in a family that never celebrated birthdays after age twelve. Kinda explains why we never do anything. I still haven't gotten anything for my birthday, but if he helps me with insurance on my car, I think I can find it in my cold empty heart to forgive him.

Grey lovers must love this time of year

So today was busy, but I successfully managed to get ahead of schedule. I finished my two page paper for English this morning, got to class and took furious notes, then my Dad picked me up and we went over to sec. of state and got my title transfered so that we can get insurance on my car. Soon it'll be all good. Also Judy said I could use her as a reference on job apps. so that's all I needed to turn in my Big Lots app. I'll see if Nick and I can do that tomorrow after we get out of school.

Speaking of tomorrow, after I get out of class (at four if I'm unlucky) Nick and I will go pay our cell bill and while I'm at the mall pick up a little somethin' somethin' with the gift card I got from my older sis. Pretty sure it's for JC penny or Sears, I can't remember which. Probably Penny's'. Nothing much going on other than that. Excited for my car and job opportunities popping up, and for the future nice weather, since its not in the present. Can you believe it snowed last night? Oh well, it's normal to have a snow storm before Easter. I wonder if it's too late to get my Easter village up. Mom said she didn't want it on the table in the living room, so I don't know where I'm going to put it. Nothing earth shaking, just tired of the cold weather and really wanting to wear my pj shorts with Thumper. Gosh I want to wear them!!! I miss my summer wardrobe...and state park. I want to go swimming to. Maybe me and some of my friends will have a hang out thing at delta. They have a nice open pool.

I guess SKY'S the limit...

I know it's late, and I know I probably should be in bed. That's just like, I probably should have done my homework instead of watch Spiderman for hours on end. I should have done my chores before I left, and I should have asked for an application while at Family Video. I should have finished my application for Big Lots, and I'm probably going to regret not doing many things on Monday. That's so human of me, isn't it? Always looking back on things and saying I should've done this or I should've done that (or shouldn't have). The highlight of my day was definitely getting scolded by an English major because I made up the word "bajillion". Then laughing at how she acted after I told her that English was my major also.

What else did I do...let's see here: I played GTA Vice City for a while today, played online black jack today, went out and bought batteries for my cars remote unlocker thing, and wasted lots of water spraying Judy's cats which never seem to learn either way. Towards the end of the day, Dad and Judy left to play "apples to apples" with family, while I hunkered down and (at 7:30pm) I got my blankets, snacks, soda, movies, and wiener dog, and nested in to watch Spiderman 1 and2. Since Taylor couldn't come over this weekend (totally understandable) Tobey Maguire kept me company with the sizzling Kirsten Dunst. When the movies ended and Dad and Judy went to bed, I was about to myself when I decided to write this blog. Don't you feel special?

Nick wasn't even here and he managed to piss me off. He texted me saying that he knew for a fact that he wasn't going to be able to give me a ride to Delta on Monday, because he was going to be out late. I said, "Whatever, tell Matt I said thanks". He asked what for. I said, "Oh, just being my Matty." Nick said I made no sense and that he wasn't playing messenger boy for us anymore, I said he never did and all he said was yep. I told him don't try to play victim. He acts as if Matt and I are still fighting when in reality, we haven't even spoken to each other in about ten months. I'm tired of his pissy attitude he gets before and after seeing Matt, as if the product of his visit was somehow my fault. Tell Matt to grow a pair and date some prissy. Seriously, how damaged can a guy be after not being able to be with a woman half his age? Hm...that's right, I'm a woman now aren't I...?

Barack Obama top ten campaign promises

From childparenting.about.com

No one knows whether it's nature or nurture that causes to boys and girls to behave differently. But researchers have discovered that parents can play a critical role in helping their children find healthy ways to cope with gender bias. Here's how:

What a Girl Needs

Self-Confidence: Encourage her often, using words that describe the characteristics that you want her to develop ("That was so brave of you to climb the steps all by yourself"). Let her know her that you have complete confidence in her, and that she's both bright and capable.

Self-Sufficiency: Make your little girl feel competent. Let her do whatever she can on her own--carry a cup of juice, brush her hair, or build a block tower without help from you or another adult. You can provide her with hints ("Here's a good way to make the blocks balance") or the necessary equipment (a stepstool to reach the sink), but let her accomplish tasks on her own.

Spacial Relationships and Coordination: Give her a variety of toys to play with, including trucks and cars, building blocks, water-play gear, a variety of balls, and playthings that she can ride or climb on.

Physical Fitness: Play active games with her, such as crawling, tag, wrestling, and horseplay. Even girls who are still too young for organized sports can benefit from the sense of adventure and excitement that comes from scaling the playground slide, running races, and turning a succession of somersaults.

Decision-Making Skills: Let her make choices, and urge her to take responsibility for the decisions that she makes. As a toddler, let her choose which cup or plate she wants to eat from and which friend she'd like to invite over for a play date.

Curiosity: Provide her with plenty of chances to explore her environment. When she's an infant or toddler, babyproof your home thoroughly so she can safely roam the house. Take trips out into the world--to the local library, the park, or the zoo.

Body Image: Don't focus on the importance of physical appearance. Talk to your daughter more often about what she can accomplish than how cute she is in her party dress.

I'm on a boat

His best nightmare

When it comes to insulation, the house is complete. But, a duh, it's my house so something has to go wrong. Every time they do their 'blow test' to test for leaks, there always appears to be a large leak somewhere...not that I didn't hear my step dad talking about purposely making leaks to keep the guys around longer and get free stuffs. I tried to remind him that it wasn't going to work, the city said they had to be done by the first (today) so they can start on the 2009 houses. Ah well, the new guys yesterday didn't take my room into consideration at all. They made a huge mess, left my window open, and threw my kodak pictures everywhere, now I need an all new bag for them too. I miss the other strange guys. *tear*

Speaking of my step dad, he said the neighbors car is for sale and showed interest in buying it for me. I just rolled my eyes and looked like I didn't care (cuz' I don't) and made a reminder to hurry and get my car going so there's no more awkward moments. I'll have to get on his case saying I don't want him to buy me a car because he'll use it as black mail and as a bribe (like he did with April). I'll have everything in order soon. I can feel it.