To repent

I'm sorry, blogger, I really am. I originally started this blog as a way to get things out of my system, and now it seems I'm hiding more things than I am writing about. I've failed again to create a completely honest blog for the world to read. Then again, did I really expect me to be able to do such a feat? Who would want all their problems and achievements (if you can call them that) on a public website to be judged (or ignored)? I've started writing in my written journal again so that I can get these out. And someday when I rule the world and they're published as my own biography, then the world will really know what happened and why it did; and maybe I'll help a teenage girl through some problems when she feels like she was the only one who ever had to go through them. That's where I was.

I find myself in a state of uncaring. I'd do something, and, well, not care at all. Then later when I realize it, I'd say "well I care, but I'm not going to stop". Why? I don't know why. If I care, why can't I stop? Am I trying to convince myself? (The other voices in my head try to do that when I listen to one over the other). Am I ruining something great or am I venturing onto great territory? We'll find out this summer: when I travel the country.

I guess, what I'm saying is...forgive me.

I want your love and all your lovers revenge

Sha-bam! I've got school now! Hell's to the yeah! I feel like an adult again! Gosh, I feel so good anything can happen. CUZ I'MA FREE BITCH BABY! My cars snowed in in the parking lot though. Only a little set back. Who wouldn't want to be on a school computer listening to great music and around friends? Shaly found me and brought her friend, and then there was Bree who tackled me and Shae who stopped in his tracks as my group of scwabbling girls was trying to converse. It feels so GOOD to be around my friends I haven't seen in forever. Like I haven't had socialization in forever and I was getting a well needed fix. I don't want people like Taylor to take that the wrong way, he's great conversation. I just haven't seen my other friends in forever. We talked about fun things and updated and gossiped. Shae showed me how to hack onto the system. I don't remember how but it was still pretty cool. Of coarse, he's a complete computer geek anyhow.

It's officially white outside (I think it was for Christmas too...I can't remember) both mine and Taylors birthdays are right around the corner (his is tomorrow). Driving myself to school feels great. Hanging out with friends is great. Listening to Lady GaGa with John is great. Laughing with Shannon is great. Being with Taylor is great. Being showed up by Shae is great. Life is great.

Taylor and I have special birthday plans (again). Hopefully this time we throw a party at Kyles I won't get sick and we can actually do stuff. I'll just leave it at that. I think Bree had sex.............I AM slow. Well, more news is that I don't have class until 4:30pm so I have, on Mondays, a five hour wait between classes. Which is great if I can get online and have fun that way. Biology was my 8 a.m. class today, I think the semester will go by smoothly as long as I can keep up and not have my eyes glaze over. Almost every class gathering we have a lab/ group work thing. Which is not my fave, but get this: she doesn't give out homework! Hell yeah, I'll take group work over no homework ever. That way I know that my work will always get done. And even though she doesn't hand out much extra credit, she did today. So I'll do that and get the extra points and have something sturdy to stand on. British Literature is next. Yay, brit lit.

My Moms going back to school now. She'll be attending Ross Medical Center. I'm really happy for her. She's concerned about gas though. She barely has enough to get to work and pick up everyone from school. Obama wants moms to go back to school. I think that's great! People shouldn't be limited to their current job just because they have kids. Go get a higher education! There is no top, there is always something new to learn.