one and one make two; two and one make three

Today, while I was at my dads house (and I still currently am) I sat by Nick on the couch. When I say by him, I mean on the same piece of furniture, but as far away from his as possible. After a few minutes, he did these weird hand gestures so I looked at him. He said he was sorry for blowing up at me the other night and sending me that harsh text message. I asked what had gone on and he said that it was entirely Matt's fault for being the way he is. I wanted to know more, but he didn't say much. Here's the story that I got: About six months after we broke up, Matt met a girl on some yahoo dating website. Christina. They met and started to hit it off pretty well. Suddenly Matt started to distance himself from Christina. And said that he wanted to be friends but not date-date her. She was really upset but still hung around as a friend. But whenever Matt would hang out with her, he was affectionate, but when she would ask him about it he would say he wasn't interested in her like that. Furthermore hurting her. Last Thursday (when I had texted Nick), Matt, Nick, and Christina were hanging out at Matt's place when somehow the topic of me came up. And suddenly I was the reason Matt had told Christina he wasn't interested, because he was still in love with me and if he couldn't have me he didn't want anyone else.

Christina asked Matt when he would finally be over me, and he said probably never. Nick described Christina as "crushed" and I guess she left crying. Nick said that lately I had been coming up a lot in conversation and Christina said she felt as if she would never be good enough because she wasn't me. Now, as charmed as I was to hear it, I know how Matt is and I realized that I was wrong about him being over me several months ago (like I had thought). I just want him to be a friend again, and I want him to realized that it would have never worked out. He had his life planned out already and although he did plan a lot of it around me, he didn't actually consider what I wanted. I want to be able to get married (not be a step parent) and buy a house (Matt had just just bought a house with his ex girlfriend) and I wanted to live in Caseville (Matt lives in Auburn). And a kinda stupid but big reason (to me) was that I was upset that he had already had sex and I hadn't. I felt like I was being jipped because he had more experience than I did.

Here's what's important. The most important: I am with Taylor, and I love him more than words can describe. I want to marry him so we can buy our house in Caseville and have lots of kids (6). I just hope I don't lose him on that long bumpy road called High school...