“If you want a man to completely give up other women…

                …You have to give him yourself completely.” I looked up at her slowly. I couldn’t believe we were having this conversation. After Shane and I broke up it was like my life was suddenly an open book. But not just any open book – an open joke book. My Mom was proud I hadn’t slept with him, even though I loved him and those were the conditions he laid down. Even when I was with Shane there was Alex online (“Relationships aren’t about putting conditions down, there are compromises sometimes, but it’s about acceptance…”). My mom knew I loved him. She saw it as my life shifted, as Shane stepped away and I lost it for about two weeks; crying myself to sleep and not eating. I poured myself into my school work as much as I could. Where else was I going to put my energy?

                At this point my mother’s main concern was keeping me happy and healthy, and helping me not to become heartbroken again. That would mean giving up guys completely. Still she shined with pride as I told her I wasn’t going to put myself in an uncertain situation – like sex with Shane – just because he wanted that. This was my life and my body was mine. I told the ex a time frame and it still wasn’t good enough. There wasn’t that love there. And even if there was, he wouldn’t understand it. And he abused it.

                I told my mom that I just wasn’t interested in sex. Really I’m barely ever in the mood and it’s just as easy to ignore it as it is to take care of it. Most of the time I ignore it. She seemed happy but also had that look when she didn’t understand something. “Well, Melissa,” She said, hovering around my bedroom. “Someday you’re going to fall in love with a man, and you’ll want to have sex with him. Be it after marriage or before. That’s how you’ll know it’s real.” Probably the most horrible advice I had ever heard. Ashley must’ve been in true love so many times then. You can’t just tell a girl that when she wants to have sex with someone, he’s the one. But my mom knew I was different from those other girls. That advice is dangerous to a normal female, but I’m not normal. When I fall in love – real true love – I’ll want to have sex with him and he’ll be the one.

                “I hope you’re willing to make that sacrifice,” she said.

 I thought of Alex.

                “You’re going to love him, ma.” I smiled.