I don't have to remind you, but you know that I'm around

"I know, I'll remind him I wear caution tape." It was what I woke up to. It was like someone woke up in my head was telling me what was up and what was down. I spend my life making sure I don't break. I can make sure I don't get upset and heart broken by pretending I don't care (and eventually I won't because I say it) but I can't take a moment when I'm sad or disappointed and pretend to be okay and make it that way. My diaries gathering dust because I don't know what to tell it. My story has changed to dramatically but at the same time it feels like I've always known it would take this route. Like I've been sleeping and something smacked me right in the face and woke me up saying "Remember what you said when you were in second grade? Well get to it!"

I do though. I remember when I first met John and we were sitting in the bath tub (not taking a bath just playing with our beanie babies) and we looked at each other and were utterly amazed by the other person. There was no shyness ever between us. It wasn't like saying hello to a new person, but saying 'how have you been?' to someone you haven't seen in a long time. We laughed and said "You have brown eyes? I do too! You have brown hair? ME TOO!" And then we got in trouble for being in the bathroom together. A memory we both still laugh at. More then ten years later.

Throughout growing up, John and I stayed close friends although we never actually admitted it. He told his friends about me but they didn't believe him ("John knows a girl? No way!"). And I told my friends but they could've cared aless about anything outside of school. Later on (last year) John got probation for throwing several panes of glass and random objects into that kids yard. And later in high school I dropped those friends off the face of the planet and my new friends love us both.

Back to 8th grade, my Dad and Johns Mom split up and said we couldn't see each other anymore either. My dad made excuses like "oh, Johns out of town", or "Johns sick...again". I tried to find him, and I didn't know it, but he was trying to get to me too. We lived a block away from each other but it seemed worlds apart. He was never where I was and we lived in different time zones it seemed. He ran the river walk in the morning, I walked it in the evening. He ate at restaurants on the opposite side of town as me, and I was in the mall. We went to different schools; schools that were in different classes (Western was a class A school). So our teams never went against each other. He was in baseball I was in the marching band. He was on stage, I was behind it. The only time we were together those whole four years was when we were furthest apart. I searched for him on AIM and myspace, he called my old friend Heather trying to find me (she told me about it junior year when he actually called her looking for me). There was only once I saw him outside Rudy J's with his mom when my dad and I were driving by.

Then, Junior year (sometime in the winter, I could tell you if I had my journal with me) April and I went over to Marys house to get our stuff and we discovered the pipes broke. So, of coarse we had to go check it out. We got to Mary's and John answered the door, looked confused and paused when he saw me. I had hot pink high lites and pig tails in. It was definitely my punk stage. We barely spoke the whole time until I was up in my room packing up some stuff and I heard the door open and I turned around and saw him. He said hello and started walking around the room talking about how crazy the whole pipe thing was. I reminded him that the dollar bill nailed to the wall was his (from when I had my bar up and running). We went downstairs and when I left I taped my number to the door so he'd call me. I can't remember if he did. But I remember getting home from visiting band camp that 08 summer and right as I walked in the door the home phone rang and it was John. (at 11pm at night, not the greatest timing, but oh well).

We talked for about an hour and hung up. Then it was another several months before he decided to stop by Judy's house randomly to see me. (again at 10pm), with his friend Jacob. Then right before John went on probation he looked me up on facebook and found me. That's really when we started talking again and when we started hanging out every month or so. He picked me up with three of his guy friends and we went to the Texan til 1am and they left to throw glass in some kids yard (see above story). I told him not to but what do I know. Next year he'll be off probation, but really it hasn't stopped him from doing anything or being a free bitch.

People don't understand us, but they love the story. The only thing that ever came easy was him. "Are you hungry for wonderful? 'Cause I am. I wrote a song about your eyes, ate a piece of cherry pie, I cried all night. " - Lady Gaga