Death rolled over

And I can't even express my feelings with a sadistic bloody picture that makes my readers cringe. I should come to expect shit like this by now. Every fucking time I make plans they fall through. Hell, I might as well start living life day by day just so I can't be that disappointed when tomorrow never comes. I have a busy day today. I have students united at 3:30pm. Then we pick up Taylor at around 6pm and he'll visit until about 9pm, then I am PRAYING that John calls and if he offers to hang out, and I don't care where, I am taking that bastard up on his offer. Last time he wanted to go to a party in Saginaw, I said no, then he suggested just hanging out at his house (my old house), I said no, he even wanted me to go to McDonald's with him to buy that special limited time 50 piece McNugget meal, I said no. Shit, I don't care.

Everything was in that back pack. EVERYTHING! My USB, my homework and prestigious notes, college books and my entire check in cash. I've never had that much money. I've never held that much money. I've never seen that much money. So it just goes to show that obviously someone else needed it more than I did, even though I earned that fucking stupid shit. And since that was my financial aide money, I have no money to buy new books for my classes. I have a gift card for Barnes n' Nobles, but it won't get me too far. Bad enough that while in the mall I spent some money that I had on me thinking it wouldn't matter because I had my back up money in nicks car. Now I'll need to borrow money from Nick just so I can take my mom out to eat on her birthday like I wanted to. Not to mention I was going to buy a car with that money and FOOD Goddamn it! April is going to give me a check for 300 so I can still buy my cousins car, and I need to pay her back asap. I hate taking that money from her considering she's got a baby now. It'll only take about four months to pay her back. Unless I can sell some things at a pawn shop...

Now I'm depending on that Girl Scout job up north this summer. Which I'll need to e-mail Bambi this afternoon after class saying I'm still interested. Sorry everyone (who cares) but I need the money and this stupid bad luck of mine is stronger than anything else. Nathan called me but I didn't want to talk to him, I turned on my Twilight sound track and Ben called to see if I was okay. I told him what happened in detail, he tried to make me feel better saying he cared and such, even said he'd have a 3 musketeers candy bar for me tomorrow before my English class. I cried a little bit to him, which I hate myself for. So stupid. April called me to make plans for Moms birthday and I told her what happened and literally broke down. I hate that she's the only family member I can talk to. I locked myself in my room and then remembered that Mom had saved the last little bit of Jello for me. So I went downstairs to get it, and I'm looking and looking for it. It was gone. They ate it while I was upstairs sulking; licking my wounds. Chris senior called me a dumb shit, mom was a MAJOR pessimist, and the only person who made me feel better was the police officer and my sister. My dad called me and asked if I lost my back pack, I said yes it was stolen, he said that he heard over his police scanner that it was stolen. Leave it to him; that made me smile.

I didn't fall asleep until maybe midnight and woke up at 4am with more nightmares. eyes.eyes. eyes. Something kinda good happened though. My Cosmo girl subscription extended my seventeen subscription for another year for free! Yippee more shit for my wall. Not to mention my tape ran out and my grandfathers stapler was in my backpack, which my mother will kill me for when and IF she finds out...I just can't believe this kind of shit always happens to me. I know there's not much she could do but my best friend barely even cared that the incident had happened. A few times a week I ask how she's doing and I lose over $1400 and I get "aw sorry". I love you girl, but I need more support than that from a best friend. Well, we have a bowling girls night planned for this Saturday or Sunday (probably Sunday since April and I will be celebrating Moms b-day).

Still buying my cousins car, and still in the hole of life. I feel that weight of depression upon me again. Happiness is overrated anyways, right?