Lately I've been having alot of dreams about my ex, Matthew. But the nature of the dreams make them more of nightmares. I've had dreams of being kidnapped, beaten, and more. Sometimes he would just simply make an apperance, and that alone is enough to upset me. Today he posted a blog on myspce titled "no clue" and I wanted to check it out, but I had taken him off my friends list and while we were dating, I had told him to put his profile and blog to private so that Sam couldn't spy on him. So I tried to unsubscribe from his blog so it wasn't tempted to read it or send him a message, but my computer keeps spazzing out every time I try to do so.
Also, last summer my friend Chris said that I could go golfing with him and my brother, but ever since that nasty break-up with Matthew, I haven't been invited. Really all I want to do is drive a golf cart around. His excuse is that I'm always busy. Well, this sunday I will be because of my sisters baby shower. I'm pretty damn excited. I invited Taylor to come along, good chance for him to finally meet my sister whom I constantly talk about, but he has to work at the River Of Time. Understandable, but I miss him and can't just hang out with him during the week.
I'm not even mad at Matthew anymore, just more of disgusted with him. I've known the guy since I was six or seven, and now he disappears because he didn't get what he wanted out of me since I was sixteen. Before we dated I asked my sister what she thought of the situation. She said, and I quote: "At least you would know that even if you two broke up he would still take care of you and be a friend."
So much for that April. You were wrong.
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