Confessions of a girl named Melissa

If Satan is person, Heaven is a place, and God is an essence at which we all pray to, then it must have been Satan who had come to me in a dream so long ago. He said to me: "Melissa, you have sinned far too greatly to ever be allowed to walk by your heavenly fathers side, there is only one hope if you plan to get to that afterlife. You must take this little black book and in it, every month, confess your sins. You must write everything. If you leave something out we will assume that it didn't happen, and it will be Saint Peters job to judge your silent lies. Do this task until your soul becomes one by society's standards, and you will be saved..."

For years I have done so. Journal after journal after journal, and now this. Poems, stories, songs, not enough. I am safe, I have found what I need to complete my soul; my soul mate. I must continue until the day we marry. But there's this catch: I was supposed to confess everything in my journal, as I have. This blog, as much as it means to me, as much truth as it holds, is like a game to me. I write about my past, details I've never written before, thoughts and actions that are too terrible or false to make it into my written journal. False? Does that mean I lied somewhere in one of my blogs. Yes, I did. I don't consider it to be a big lie, just a metaphor perhaps. That's what my writing is all about, metaphors. I love to write them. They come to me because sometimes the truth hurts too much to even think about.

Confessing things to even my closest friends have always caused problems. I like to think back to elementary years because that's when my life was completely at bliss. I was usually always happy, always something to do, places to go. My future was paved in gold, although through the eyes of a child, it usually always is. Studies show that everyone, whether straight, bi sexual, or gay, are attracted to women's bodies because of how they carry themselves. Confident, etc. I was not a bi-sexual in elementary school. Jamie was an extraordinary friend. The closest I have ever had in my entire life. She was the only girl, or person, that I felt completely at ease around. She was the only one that I would dress in front of, bathe with, or cuddle with. I would go to the ends of the earth and back just to make her laugh, and I always could, even if meant getting me in more trouble. It was worth it to me. I may get the chance to meet her again, but that didn't go over to well with Taylor. He went on about something and said "I thought this might happen". As if I was going to leave him for Jamie, which would never happen in a million years because I'm not bi-sexual. I don't know what's going through his mind and hopefully he'll he a sport and tell me. We're getting together on Friday and that should be the perfect time to...what are we going to do? What is there to do? I don't even know if anything needs to be figured out, I just want to finish the conversation. It's unhealthy to leave me hanging like that. At least I had a dream that my family had to move and we got a house that was big, and we invited Taylor to live with us. And we were happy. I woke up to a text, lost the happiness that the dream had created, and slipped back into a dreamless sleep.

Unanswered questions create stress. Today is my math exam. I'll need to focus really hard to keep my attention on my work, and not on the confusing matter at hand. Somebody help me.